CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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