i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
