I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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