I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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