im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Are my feet made of real feet?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize