Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
