So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
