It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
