Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
