I can tuck mytits in my pants
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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