Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
