you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I want to make a zoo with you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
