ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
