...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Please don't give away my fajitas
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