we're blogging at a bar
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
