Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
