I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
