I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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