i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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