O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
