So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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