my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
