She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
