Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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