If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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