I smell stomach acid.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
