just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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