So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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