It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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