I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
