just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
