woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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