Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
