dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
