So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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