Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
