Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
