are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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