I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize