also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
