pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
