the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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