i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
