I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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