You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
