i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
