no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
