just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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