there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
