Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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