this beer tastes like vomit already
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
