I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
