I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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