Please, let me fuck your mom
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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