sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
