and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
