omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sorry my hands just texted you
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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