All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize