Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
