He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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