Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
