I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
