I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize