i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
