it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
