We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
