every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
